North Star
by AllusionToAnIllusion
Summary: He's always been her North Star, guiding her home when she herself doesn't know which direction is which.


**Just a little note, for the sake of this story we're just gonna pretend that you can actually see the stars in New York City. Just go with it. It's fanfiction. **

**Disclaimer: Does Marlowe have a Biology test tomorrow? Nope. But I do.**

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><p>There's a quiet hum around her as she finishes up the last of her paperwork, a calm has settled over the precinct with the knowledge that another killer is behind bars. But she's not calm. She's anything but. She wants to go for a long run, push herself until her legs give out and her lungs painfully heave with each breath. She needs to go home, pretend she's fine, and let the guilt tear her apart from the inside out. Hell, it's already started throwing some punches to her gut and pulling at her heart. It won't be long now before it starts a full throttle assault.<p>

"Hey? Beckett?" Castle is waving his hand in front of her face as she stares at the report she's just finished writing. All she sees are the words she's written on autopilot. _Knife_. _Child_. _Blood_. She throws on a fake smile, hoping that tonight he won't question it. She knows he'll notice, he always does. But maybe tonight he'll leave it alone.

"You okay?" Or maybe not.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She's not. She knows it. He knows it. But they've built a large part of their relationship on pretending. Why can't they just pretend this away too?

"No, you're not." The smile falls from her face. What's the use? He sees through it anyway. There's no sense in shrouding herself in a cloak of false professionalism when he sees it for what it is, sees her for who she is. "It's not your fault, you know." Oh, but it is.

"I could've done something." She just wishes that he could see that this one's on her. She has to carry the weight of it. Atlas must hold the world. She must hold sorrow and broken lives.

"You did all you could." She shakes her head, a sigh falling from her downturned lips.

"If I had just figured it out sooner or gotten there faster then there wouldn't be a little boy who almost watched his father bleed out on the cold concrete of a dingy basement." She's not trying to hide the sadness she knows will be in her voice, but she doesn't quite expect the raw emotion that it carries as the words escape the confines of her mind.

"C'mon." He stands up and puts on his coat, looking at her expectantly when she doesn't move. "Come on, I'm gonna show you something." She stares at him for a minute, assessing whether she should get up and follow him. He has a knack for making her believe in things. If she goes with him, she knows his words will eliminate that self-doubt caged inside her. They always do. But she doesn't deserve that freedom, not after today.

"Okay." She finds herself agreeing right as she decides that she won't go. Strange, the power those earnest eyes seem to have over her. He smiles and helps her with her jacket. And then she follows him.

When they exit the precinct he doesn't try and hail a cab, he just turns left and walks purposely down the sidewalk. She lets her confusion stop her in her tracks for a second before she pushes it aside and quickly catches up with him.

"Where are we going?" She's never been one for surprises. Her dad tried to throw her a surprise birthday party when she turned eleven and it could be classified as a complete disaster. She was a pouty mess the entire way there and refused to even go in until he told her what was going on.

"Nuh-uh, Beckett. You're just going to have to wait until we get there." He smirks a little and she swears that she sees his eyes twinkle for a second. Damn him.

"Come on, Castle, I'm really not in the mood." He stops then and turns to face her, his eyes the color of midnight in the darkness.

"I promise you'll like it."

"But–"

"Trust me." She does. She trusts him. So when he turns and continues walking down the street, she follows him without a thought. She doesn't have to wait very long before he enters a shop, a little café not too far from the precinct. It's cozy, big armchairs littering the place and a quiet yet homey atmosphere. She pictures him sitting in the pea green armchair in the corner, reading a novel and sipping coffee, or maybe stringing together beautiful sentences on a worn notepad in his familiar scrawl, perhaps even pretending to write while secretly observing the couple in front of him and writing their story in his mind.

"I come here a lot." He says after he orders them coffee. She makes note of the fact that he ordered them to go.

"I can see that." She's still staring at that chair in the corner, suddenly picturing herself sitting on the arm and reading over his shoulder as he whispers in her ear. She shakes the thought away.

The barista hands him the coffees and as she goes to sit down he heads for the door. She furrows her brow at him and cocks her head toward that pea green armchair. He just shakes his head as his eyes tell her to be patient. She follows him out the door. She expects that they're going to walk and talk, not an unfamiliar activity for them. But he just walks through a cast iron gate, entering a small garden in between the café and a used bookstore before sitting down on the grass.

"What are you doing?" She watches as he casually takes a sip of his steaming drink before setting it aside and lying down.

"Come over here." He looks at her, beckoning her over with his gaze and she finds her legs moving without her permission. She lies down beside him.

"Alright, so you brought me to a dark and secluded place to sit on the ground. But hey, at least you bought me coffee." She sees him shake his head out of the corner of her eye, chuckling softly.

"Look at the stars with me, Kate." She turns to look at him at the sound of her first name passing his lips but he's looking at the sky, alight with millions of tiny shimmering dots. She turns her head and looks too. "I've always loved the stars. When I was nine, all I wanted for Christmas was a telescope." She smiles at the image of a small boy with bright blue eyes and mussed hair writing his letter to Santa, tongue stuck out in concentration.

"When I was nine, I wanted a new bike. One that wasn't pink." He laughs at that and she can't help but admire the sound, so pure and real. He turns to face her, grinning like that nine year-old boy he once was and sometimes still is, before raising a hand to point at the sky.

"You see those stars over there?" She follows his outstretched finger and nods, her head lightly touching his shoulder so he feels the motion. "That's Cygnus, the swan."

"That's really cool, Castle." She feels a smile bloom on her face, one that she can't quite control. That seems to happen a lot when he's around.

"Ovid referenced Cygnus a lot in Metamorphoses. Three of his characters were named Cygnus, and they all turned into swans. Have you read it?" She nods again, still looking at the stars above.

"Yeah, in college." She feels him nod and then he points to another area of the sky.

"That's Puppis." She is silent as she looks at the constellation, waiting for him to elaborate. When he doesn't, she speaks.

"What's that one supposed to be?" It comes out as a whisper and she surprises herself with the amount of sheer awe in her voice, it's filled with an almost childlike wonder.

"Poop deck." He grins and a disbelieving snort escapes her.

"You're not serious, are you?" She grins back at him, eyes twinkling like the stars above them.

"Oh, but I am." He chuckles and she can't hold back the laughter that bursts from her, full-bodied and completely unbidden. When she finally regains control of herself, she turns her body so she's facing him. He only moves his arm, directing it at yet another constellation as she turns her head to look. "That one's Virgo, she's pretty easy to locate."

"Virgin mother of the gods?" She questions and turns her head to look at him again as he does the same.

"Very good, detective." He smirks at her and she shakes her head before turning back to the sky, the moonlight washing over her face. He doesn't move and she finds that she is okay with that, perfectly fine with watching the stars as he watches her. "But that's not all she is."

"Oh?"

"The Ancient Greeks also identified her as Astraea, a personification of justice." She fights not to look at him, finally understanding why he brought her out here. "She holds the scales of justice in her hand, always moral and fair." She loses the battle. Her head turns and she comes face to face with those midnight eyes, honest and clear. Her breath catches.

"Castle…" She wants him to stop. She wants him to keep going. She doesn't know what she wants.

"Kate, you saved that little boy and his dad today. You saved that man's life, and by doing that you saved that little boy's life too. Yes, he's going to have nightmares. Yes, it will take a long time for those wounds to heal. But they're alive and safe thanks to you. They're together and that was all you." Her eyes never leave his but somehow she finds his hand with her own, not quite able to speak. Swallowing hard, she takes a deep breath and lets his words wash over her. That boy and his father are together. They're hugging each other tight and vowing never to let go.

"You remind me of Virgo." His voice is so quiet she has to lean in a little to hear him even though their faces are already so close. He's hesitant, not sure how she'll respond to that particular revelation. She smiles.

"Well, except for the whole virgin thing." Her smile turns into a wicked smirk as his eyes widen and he stares at her, mouth agape. She feels a laugh bubbling inside her and when he tries to speak but can't quite make actual words come out it escapes her. She sees him smile at the sound.

"Tease." He squeezes her hand and she realizes that somewhere along the line one of them laced their fingers together. As embarrassing as it is to admit, she has a hunch that it was her.

They stare at each other, both smiling in that completely free way. There's the occasional sound of people walking by and cars whizzing past but it's a strangely quiet area of the city and the only constant noise is his breathing, slow and steady.

"Thank you, Rick." Her voice is raw and she knows it's just all of the emotions of the day coming together at once but she can't help but think that this is what he does to her. He strips her bare and sees what she is. He sees her. "Now show me some more constellations."

He turns and begins to point another one out but she doesn't look, instead continuing to watch his face, smiling and laughing as he recounts ancient stories of love and tragedy. The moon casts an enchanting glow on him and she doesn't want to look away. Finally, she rests her head against his shoulder and listens to his strong voice as it fills the night air, her own personal North Star that guides her home.

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><p><strong>For any curious soul who wants to see what these constellations actually look like, I'll post some pictures on my Tumblr (link on my profile). <strong>

**Review? Please?**


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